Of the sacred and the selfish

¨I want to leave behind a legacy some day.”

This is what I thought yesterday on my walk. I wonder more and more about this as I get deeper into my practice. Constant refinement, constant diligence, an open mind yet a fixed, definite attitude pulling me like a magnet to my goal of complete and total mastery, not perfection, just the full knowledge of my enormous capabilities and limitations and my willingness to express and re-mold both of these if it means one step closer to my goal, to the moment where I can pause and feel the result of my efforts before I vigorously re-double them to take one more step. I am filled with a constant joy and yet a gnawing pull to give further, to try again, to work and learn and achieve harder, faster, more. I am reminded on a daily basis of what it feels like to be human. And not reduced to this physical state, but to fully accept it, and in this acceptance, transmute all that is insignificant, inadequate, insufficient in me into that which is made whole again, that which transcends the physical and enters the realm of the divine. To realize that the human consciousness is in the God-consciousness, that to think and create out of this God-mind requires only the admission of my mortality, this, I think, is worth the hours spent damning my deficiencies and hopelessly recognizing my failures, if it means through this relentless pain I may pass through the gateway to greatness. Greatness is not the perfect or the unattainable; it is the perfect giving of everything within me to know that, in a quiet moment possessed and felt and created only by me, that my heart has stirred, my mind has been ignited, my actions have produced for the sole fulfillment of my soul’s purpose and my soul’s entry into a sacred, selfish pleasure-world blurring the lines between my Creator and I.

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